Weather of my heart today :
Cloudy (28°C)
Precipitation: 62%
Humidity: 50%
Wind: 23 Km/h
It's no longer 2023
What is the hope for 2024?
Health? Money? Love?
A longer life?
A shorter one?
Lintnaya Newspaper
- Your trusted fake news source -


A polite centipede asking to eat your brain. Illustration by Lintnaya.

It is finally 2024, another new year, another day. It is a bit late for our newspaper to release and celebrate the year of 2024 at the beginning of April instead of January, February or even March. There was stuff going on here and there (as always). Work, life, relations, humans. Our writer Lintnaya, keeps on growing and through life sometimes he found thing he shouldn't find or couldn't find thing that he should be able to find. Cryptic as it can be, or as lazy as he always be. A thought in his head told him that he was in state of stress and depression (In the month of January through the middle of February). But what he could do? Nothing. This newspaper should write and structure like a newspaper does, but in the end, it wrote like a journal does. Or maybe it is a journal in disguise after all? A suspect in Lintnaya's head scramble around like a centipede twisted each cell searching for answer that is never there. Again, the writer didn't know what he should write on the paper, but just to let the centipede do what it did. Grammar all around the place, took the meaning away yet still put something in. The centipede did not only take away the inside of his head, but also the two hands he had. Controlling every section of his fingertips. Typing what the reader currently read in the date whenever this page was published. Inconsistent and twisted like the centipede it wants to be.

On the first of January this year, our writer Lintnaya seemed optimistic about the year of 2024. And then abrupt by the hot media news that threw away the positivity out of the windows. On the east side of the world, natural and human disaster happened in just few steps of the days. And on the west side of the world propaganda keeps popping out from the city's ground. Weird timeline we currently live in. Fortunately there is no indication of new viruses spreading once more. At least not on the first month of the year 2024. Meanwhile, on personal level Lintnaya himself didn't really feel a thing impacting outer space of his surrounding, except stuff like noises, degrading shell, and decision. Every day is the same for him, on boring one cycles. Yet either he wants it or not, everything progress. Some small, some big. Does the love he had for the past year will continue this year as well? Does the hatred he keeps in the past year will get bigger or perhaps smaller? The venom leaved by the centipede seems taking effect inside of Lintnaya's head. The doctor couldn't tell if inside Lintnaya's head is a brain or a peanut. The centipede couldn't be identified by scientist that came over to his slumber, an imaginary doctor identifying an imaginary centipede.

On the start of February something weird happened here and there. Climate was unpredictable on certain part of the world. Lintnaya didn't feel the impact directly but the sickness was there. The yearly sickness started in late of February for him. It's the usual sickness of cough and fever. The temperature he got was 38.7 degrees Celsius on that month. But somehow he was able to do work and other normal activity in that heat and dizziness. It took about 4 days for the heat to go away and left him at 36 degrees Celsius in the end of February. Before the sickness came he got to do the fun stuff in the first of the month, so not all were bad. He went stroll around to one of the city's park which green available to see. It was all good, the weather he expected to be cloudy or rainy, turned out pretty sunny and nice blue. Although it was not that blue. But somehow the saturated green in the eyes was there to witness. A very contrast from the gray city building in the background, but the green still nice regardless. Lintnaya wants to explore more of the green side he could find in that mostly gray city he currently in.

Then goes March, the month when this sentences being written. "Recover and ready for more work", Lintnaya said. Although it sounded like sarcasm, he indeed somewhat ready to go back to work. On the other side of his laziness, sometimes he could be very workaholic that could ignore his usual sleep schedule. But still inconsistent because the centipede lingers all over his head. The beginning of March was not bad. Weather still inconsistent, but somehow it gave fully of it, not half rain half sunny. One day the sun rose pretty nicely, around 10 in the morning it was already bright, the blue was pretty dazzling and the heat kept people in the shade. A pretty nice sunny day that Lintnaya always wanted and sought. The moment rain came, it came in around four in the afternoon. The rain last pretty nicely, around 4 to 5 hours. Not too long, not too short either. Not every day, but the moment it decided to come, Lintnaya welcomed it with blanket ready to lazying around. March didn't come with just a nice weather. But somehow financial decision need to be made. Doing taxes was one of them. Filling out the form, learning all of those cryptic languages and 90% of the times Lintnaya just said "What the hell is this mean!?" while reading and filling all the forms he needed to fill. Luckily there was a tutorial online he could follow a long and learned where to fill and what other form he needed. Not that exhausted, but it was required a lot of brain power for sure, for Lintnaya. If Lintnaya was an office worker that work for a company, he probably didn't need to fill all of those tax form and just let the company do the paper job for him. But he is not. And he wouldn't want to be one for sure. He is just a freelancer that work from one project to another. Other than tax, Lintnaya went to the bank to made bank statement. A rare event he made that day. Previously on that day he got an email from international online bank that he usually used for international payment and transaction stated that in the future their services might be unable to work properly because of the new regulation happened in the national bank of the country Lintnaya is in. Unfortunate for him to live in the country where new regulation will somewhat always (most of the time) caused harm to its own citizen. Although it said because of the new regulation, but online forum said it happened because that online bank didn't have a proper license to function how it wanted to be in certain country. Also, it happened only on the Third World country. It is a bit weird, the services that already ran 4 years before somehow in 2024 lost its functionality just because of the new regulation on certain country. Weird. And back to the bank statement, therefore it was needed for registration to a new international online bank that doesn't bow to the regulation. Even thought the exchange rate is not as satisfying as the previous online bank, at least it could be use properly for international transfer (hopefully).

Lintnaya confessed that the rest of March did not feel that great. It was the yearly event of certain group of people doing what their believes' should do on those days of the month. The event wasn't that bad from previous year, but for some reason this year felt not that great. Either the place Lintnaya was currently in, the people, or just the time that have messed up everything. The time of that month felt frantic and uncertain. Some felt very slow, yet on different night felt so fast. Lintnaya did not have enough sleep on that month. Lintnaya refused to elaborate more on the topic of the event of that month, and wish to move on to another month and back to normal day when everything should run like it should be. Lintnaya hoped to go back to the normal, with at least 6 hours of sleep, continue a good living habit, and also some vegetables and fruits. That month Lintnaya did not consume much vegetable like he usually does on another month. A good boy should eat vegetable at least once a day.

Seems like this year would be somewhat fun year for the centipede to crawl around and twisted every cell it needed. Not to cause harm, but seems like it's okay to feel the harm a little bit. Might need some couple of months from now to capture and tame the centipede, so it doesn't cause any significant destruction to the peanut inside of Lintnaya's head. That was all the report for the first 3 months of this year of 2024. Hopefully the centipede capable to be friendly through out the year.

The Cure For Nightmare

The nightmare story from Nataline Risksleep (f)(21) continues. Previously we covered this story in the last issue newspaper on 31st December 2023. Debate between professional dream catcher and self-proclaimed professors from facelook have been held on 18th of January 2024. The debate last for several days from 18th of January to 21st of January 2024 with 8 hours of break each day. The debate fortunately ran peacefully and in control from both side. Even thou in the end they didn't meet the same conclusion but the witnesses who watch the debate were 82% on the side of professional dream catcher's than those from facelook.

Meanwhile for Nataline her self, she stayed in hospital of central Berlin, Germany for several weeks to received some treatment from the professional. And since the debate has been won by the professional dream catcher, all right to maintain and cure Nataline have been handled by the professional dream catcher. These dream catcher professionals work in a group to maintain the realm of a person's dream. They have maintained their reputation since 2014, and they are well known group to give positivity around the realm of dream to those who needed.

In the case of Nataline, her dream was pretty unique said one of the professional dream catcher. Nataline's dream somehow could affect real life event, and might cause harm to the world. Some of the cases that might happened because of Nataline's nightmare were the earthquake and plane crash disaster happened in Japan this January.

3 weeks after rehabilitation, Nataline condition had getting better. On 14th of February Nataline had chance to go back to her home. It seemed Nataline have got rid her nightmare thanks to the professional dream catcher. "It was very nice to finally go back to my daily life without being afraid of Nightmare every time I slept. Recently I experience a very soothing and nice dreamt! I don't remember the details, but it feels very nice and lovely." Stated by Nataline after went back to her daily life.

In conclusion, professional dream catcher stated that the key to a nice dream are to have at least 8 hours of sleep, a good balance diet between vegetable and meat, nice interaction between friends and family, well condition office and work-life balance, stress-free and lastly love and take care your self gently.

Mysterious Poop

Weird story came from Bourges, France. Mysterious poop suddenly appear in one of the cheap apartment in the area. All started on 14th of February 2024. A female tenant named Rebeca Nice (21) spotted poop on the way back to her room. She gasped because it was a rare occasion for her to see poop lying around in public. She confessed that she never see poop before. Even when she was in the toilet, she never saw her own poop. "So that's how poop looks like", Rebeca stated while in state of excitement. Unfortunately Rebeca's excitement broke after realizing that the poop actually lying on top of her favorite shoes. It was her own mistake to put the shoes outside her room. The location of this poop was on second floor, in corridor between Rebeca's room and the other tenant.

After consulted the poop to the landlord, it finally got clean up. Unfortunately Rebeca should get rid her favorite shoes after the incident. Even after intense washing and cleaning, the stain and smell of the poop still lingers and might be permanently stuck in Rebeca's shoes. There is no CCTV installed on that apartment, so there's no evidence of what or who leaved the poop in that spot. On different day, another poop appeared in the same apartment, the same spot. Fortunately this time no shoes been defiled. This time another tenant spotted the poop. Milia William, female (26), spotted the poop on the way back to her room. Milia's room actually facing to Rebeca's room. Different from Rebeca, Milia actually didn't gasp, instead she got curious about the poop. She investigated, poked, and spun around the poop at least 8 times. She was very curious to identify what kind of poop is that. "It looks like cat's poop, but the smell is not. Also, the shape looks very refine! Whatever the creature that pooped this poop must have a nice meal before", said Milia. She refused to elaborate her knowledge about the poop.

Several weeks passed, there had not been new poop lying on that apartment. Seemed like no more poop for that apartment. Unfortunately we will never know who or what pooped that poop in the same spot, same apartment. Will forever remain to be a mysterious poop.

Thermal Paste Mistaken For Drug

A teenager, goes with alias N.N male (15) happened to be a student from Vietnam and currently visiting her grandma in Laos. Grandma with the alias of M.K (64) didn't know that her grandson was in major of computer science in a university in Vietnam. M.K only knew that her grandson very knowledge about technology. In 11th of March 2024, M.K spotted a syringe on N.N's room. At first, she didn't want to believe it was a drug used by her grandson. But after she witnessed her grandson looked sluggish for couple days after she found the syringe, she was confident that her grandson used some kind of illegal drug. Also, she spotted small red dot on N.N's arm. Immediately on 15th March 2024, she reported her grandson to the local police.

This is thermal paste. Not a drug.

After the police arrived at the scene, all of M.K speculation was all debunked. The syringe that M.K thought was drug turned out to be a thermal paste. Thermal paste is some kind of paste used for computer. And the reason N.N looked sluggish because he didn't have enough sleep after all night trying to build his first computer. Also, the small red dot on N.N arm's was a mosquito's bite.

After that M.K apologized to the police and her own grandson. M.K promised to be more communicate and will not call the police before gathering enough and right evidence. And lastly is to not falsely accused people for a crime they didn't committed.

New Regulation Caused Trouble

In the end of February 2024, some of Indonesian citizen shocked by new regulation from the national bank regarding the international money transfer called Wize. Wize is an online platform that allow their user to transfer money online internationally with low fees and the most fair exchange rate compare to another platform in the same business. It has not been clarified on what exactly the regulation is, but this new regulation made Indonesian citizen that were using Wize unable to use their services to the fullest. Those services are holding balance of Indonesian citizen, send and transfer money internationally. Now Wize only act as the third party helping the transaction between local bank with another bank in another country. This action said will be implemented in May of 2024. Wize had been operate since 2012. Previously using the name TransactionWise and rebranding in 2021 as Wize. It is a bit weird some people said in Indonesia that Wize had been operate pretty long time and nicely in Indonesia but suddenly in 2024 they just stopped.

This is not the first time new regulation caused so much troubled to Indonesian citizen. In the past there was regulation to restrict some internet use of Indonesian citizen, in result some online services getting blocked. Some of those online services were, Payfriend, an international online payment system, Stom, a video game digital distribution services, Goole, a popular online search engine, and many more. Although the regulation immediately retracted after online backlash.

Unfortunately for this new regulation regarding Wize, there was no indication for it to be retracted.